Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
