Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
