i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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