I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
