Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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