I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
