She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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