does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
