They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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