Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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