when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This baby is an asshole
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
