Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
