Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
