I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
