well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
