Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
