I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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