Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
