Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
