He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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