I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
