Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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