I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
