we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
