yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
