you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
