remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
