she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
