Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
