So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
