well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
