I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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