somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
