someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
