I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The feeling are messing with the penis
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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