he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
