So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
