You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We have started to decorate penises.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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