We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
