I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
