I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
