If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
