i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come share oat with me in your robe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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