apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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