the new term for farting is butt boxing.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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