Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
