real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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