end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
