even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If I die, sorry about rent.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
