whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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