Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
