I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
